I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
