this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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