I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
