it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
