is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
