This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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