We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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