Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
