i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
