I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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