nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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