During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
