why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
