Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
