i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
