He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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