did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
