he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Help. Why am I so naked?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
