i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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