so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
