I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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