Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
