Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My day in three words: secret purse cake
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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