So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My life is pants optional.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
