If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
