the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
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You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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