Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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