Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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