if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
