He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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