What did we do last night that was yellow?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
