The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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