You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
