Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
