I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
