The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
