The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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