I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
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It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
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You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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