who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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