Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I am midnight drunk by noon
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
