This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
