his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
