im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
