So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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