Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We got so high we made milksteak
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize