He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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