I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
