Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
