im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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