woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
