Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
