Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The air was thick with penises
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
