I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
