True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
