So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
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