Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
