I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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