you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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