So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
