you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
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Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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