I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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