i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
