she looked like the before picture.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Come on in and take your pants off
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