i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
