I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
