She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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