Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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