No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
we're so committed to being not committed
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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